why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
No subtext here. People are naked.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
