On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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