We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
