life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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