If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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