ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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