he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
