Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We left the knife in your bed.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
