someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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