lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
