Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
