This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
