i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
