I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
