He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
