i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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