I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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