I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
