Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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