She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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