Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
