Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
