dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
