My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
