yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
