You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
