I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
