Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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