Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
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Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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