Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
