you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We have started to decorate penises.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
