I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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