I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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