I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
