Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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