I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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