Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
