The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
