I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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