Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
