Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
