im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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