You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
