Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
