She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
