This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I pour the whiskey from now on
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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