plz talk dirty to me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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