dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
