Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
