So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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