You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
