I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i dont even know how to be here
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
