Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
