I'm sorry my penis didn't work
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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