My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
