The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
