K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
