Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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