Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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