Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
