break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
