He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
